A sickness to forget

As my uncle told, one sneeze means someone misses you, two sneezes mean someone wants to find you and beat you up; but the first thing in today's morning for me is having five sneezes in a row! My brain could not think..literially...

Random rant

First of all, it feels agitating not finding things one wanted - in my case good poetry - so the search is delayed for now (In fact, I don't know how to find anything or how anyone can find me on this blog yet). Speaking of delaying, the quest to fulfill a certain wish is often put behind as one's mind prepares to face reality. It can be something you covet, or organize for the future; but as soon as problems start to surface, the possibilty of finding alternative action enters the person's mind and acheving one's desire becomes less and less realistic. At times, it see that a lot of things can be easily achieved, but in the next minute, you lose the energy to do anything at all. And in those curious moments in which you have little power to control what's happening around you, life appears as a piece of art as your life transforms into a fallen leaf, blindly twisting in the wind toward an unknown destination. Some say those are painful moments because when you lose control, the confusion diminishes you of who you are. Is it really? I truely do not know.

I am not written anything organized in quite a while - one month to be exact. And considering that, and how f***ed up my brain feels now adays, the last thing I want to do is to worry about the format of my writing. If I did, this paragraph would at least show some type of transition from the first paragraph. I do not sense a need to develop a style right now neither since doing so too quickly may give one a frame of mind that does to best express their ability.

The painful thing about writing, especially pressure writing, is that you have to make quick decisions to choose between different ideas. If you do not, the good ideas WILL slip away, and you may have failed to please the audience. When I was riding the skytrain, the idea hits me as how similar it is between making decisions in life and making decisions in writing. In both cases, you will have to give up a lot of ideas as you advance; your decisions made in the past is already written and is part of your writing .........It is part of yourself. Then again, the decisions you make is based on what you are prior to making the deicision, and that will depend on......... the people you meet....the environment you grow up in.......your ethinity.......with that said..do you still make your OWN decision? After all, the things around you makes you who you are, and your decisions which further shapes your character are merely PREARRANGED becasue of the present you. With such knowledge, or is it attitude? life does feel like a twisting leaf in the wind, carrying a insect who watches in hopelessness. You can call this destiny I suppose.

Thus far, I have provided a pessimistic tone, but that's what I like about writing on this blog - you write what you enjoy at the moment, not for anybody but for yourself, and pessimistism is just what I am feeling at this moment.

Right now it is 3 am at dawn. Maybe it's due to lateness but i am sharing my mind anyways. I hope anyone who is patient enough to read this share their honesty as well.
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Author:ruochen
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